How An Interview Flop Changed My Career
Remember 2016? For me it was a very busy year. I was buying a house, interviewing for jobs while working full time and on top of all that planning a wedding! Note to past self: don’t ever try to do this much stuff at once again.
In the middle of all this chaos, I received an interview invitation unlike any other. This was for a “redacted” government agency that’s notoriously hard to get an interview with! They had an open research position so I applied. The chances seemed so low I didn’t want to worry about it or get my hopes up.
But one day I got “the” email. You have been selected for an interview!
When I got the email I was at my full time job. I had to take my break and fully celebrate outside where no one in the office could see me.
Testing
Before the interview, there were 2 tests I had to take that gave me SAT flashbacks. One focused on logic and the other on writing. I was a little worried about the logic test but knew I would ace the writing one.
After about a month after each test, I moved on to the next round. The real challenge was the next step. The in person interview.
I've done tons of interviews and wasn't too worried until I was told to fly out of state. In less than 2 weeks. In the summer which is the busiest season at my work.
Cue the, “What have I gotten myself into?” monologue. I talked to my fiancé and my parents. I was simultaneously terrified and excited. I decided to go for it.
The Arrival
I felt like a spy sneaking off to go to an in-person interview 2 states away. It still seemed like a long shot even after the a lengthy application process and a bit risky. But I knew I would regret not taking the chance.
I kept myself motivated with an internal pep talk. I'd gotten this far. I could go further. I also didn't want regrets bouncing around in the back of my head for the rest of my life.
So I got on a plane heading to Colorado the night before with visions of myself victorious and fist pumping when I returned.
I was as prepared as I could be. Throughout the months long process, I was practicing interview questions, researching and learning everything I could about the organization since that first congratulations email.
What could go wrong?
Everything went smoothly from checking in at the hotel to actually being able to fall asleep in a different bed than my own. I laid out my interview attire, black blazer, black trousers, blue shirt and pointy toe black flats, and make up. I brought a packable breakfast so I wouldn't be forced to go to the complimentary hotel breakfast and waste valuable time.
I paced around my room the morning of pretending to watch the giant TV murmuring in the background. I guzzled my complimentary water and eyed the cookie saved from the night before. It would be my reward for later. I was ready.
Staying in the hotel the interview would take place to keep the morning chaos to a minimum was smart so I didn't rush down until 5 minutes before my interview. I still had conventional pre interview jitters which never leave me until I enter the room where the firing squad awaits.
The Interview
The following day, after I trying to swallow my breakfast bar down with a nervous stomach, it was time for the interview. This is the only time I’ve had a metal detector wand pass over me before the interview. We had a short briefing with all the other candidates, about 20 to 30 people, and then we were escorted to our interview rooms.
We were taken in groups to hotel rooms, possibly one of the strangest places I've interviewed, where our interviewers sat waiting for us. Three people sat behind a table echoing the same benign room I was staying in. I sat in front of a panel who would decide my fate.
One person was obviously sick and constantly wiping their nose. This was before COVID, obviously. Even though I was optimistic the fact that they made one of their employees work when they were sick was a small red flag.
At first things were going great. My prepared answers were gleefully spat out like a congenial robot. I hoped they didn't sound canned and over prepared. They were more "normal" than I anticipated. The types of questions anyone would ask you at an interview at any old company.
Things go wrong
The issue was when they started asking the same questions over and over again. It felt like an episode of The Twilight Zone with ordinary interview questions turning strange and with 2 questions being asked back to back with slight variations. I was getting duplicate questions but couldn't give the same answer twice.
I'm not the best at improvising. I had to pause multiple times for what seemed like hours to formulate some kind of new response that didn't sound lame. This happened several times and I felt more nervous and unqualified after each one.
It was like a bad dream I couldn’t escape. Things were going wrong and I couldn’t do anything about it. They usually do when I have to improvise and feel unprepared. I tried my best in the moment but after too many awkward silences, I was ready to give up.
The Aftermath
Immediately afterwards, I went to my hotel room and broke down. I ran up to my room and started sobbing while ripping off my confining interview clothes. Discarding the blazer, I changed into my sweats and called my fiancé.
I told him the whole story while sobbing and walking around outside making slow half circles around the hotel trying to avoid others hearing my sob story while sucking up some crisp Colorado air.
I felt like a failure. My dream job had slipped through my fingers and would never come back. There was no way I’m moving on to the next round.
My flight back home was miserable internally and externally confined in a middle seat with no optimism left. I finished listening to podcasts and tried not to think about my ordeal which was racing away from me. A sliver of hope inside me thought if enough people bombed I could make it. Maybe. But that was swiftly crushed by the final email of thanks but no thanks.
Slowly, I began to think of all the little red flags which I glossed over during the process as, “I'll worry about those later.” I was a little bit grateful I hadn't gotten through. I would have to deal with a very extensive background check, then sent to training for several months and probably have to move out of Texas.
Not to mention the polygraph test which would have been equal parts thrilling and nerve wracking. I was in the middle of planning a wedding and had no idea how these things were going to mesh together. I would probably have to reschedule the wedding which would be ridiculous since it was months away.
The Reflection
I started to think about what the realities of the job and what the structure would be like. I enjoy structure and rules, to a point, but being in a large government agency with tons of rules, regulations and red tape didn't appeal to me.
I wanted to fit in there but was afraid of losing myself. Even though I would be doing valuable work, I’d still be a cog in a very big machine making it hard to stand out, get promoted or seen.
Even though it would have shocked my past self, ultimately I'm glad things didn’t work out. While the prestige would have been nice, the reality was unlikely to live up to the Hollywood fantasy and fervor.
I desired more freedom and flexibility in my work environment not less. So I'm glad I failed. Otherwise I wouldn't have found what I really wanted out of my career and life.
A few years later, I found a new career blending my research skills with creativity which all started from trying out a new creative hobby, web design. From a potential "redacted" researcher to web designer, I'm so glad I blew that interview.
Want more exciting backstory?
More fun posts like my web designer journey, the web design courses I took and more about me. If you want to learn more about web design start with a post about web design tips for beginners.
